Denial of Recognition
by Moon-Silver93
Summary: She had felt the need to go after him and so she did. But when she makes a noice during the hunt, he spins around and faces her soul in her eyes. She didn't consider that he had to give her his consent.
1. Last Night

_**Well, I guess I'm BACK INTO BUSINESS, BABY!**_

**_Disclaimer: I don't own Elfquest or any of the characters. Just the plot. _**

**_Annotiation: For a long time I've been planning this, so I hope there's a lot of people who likes Elfquest and fan-fiction :D I don't know how many chapters I'm planning on, but I'll keep you updated :D_**

**_Playlist: Made to Last ~ Semisonic; Villains ~ The Verve Pipe; Lullaby ~ Pan's Labyrinth; Empty House ~ Air (The Virgin Suicides)_**

_Moonshade._

I stared across the holt to look at him. He wasn't looking back. It hurt me more than I would have thought. But it was mostly my pride. _Strongbow._ Why didn't he want to look me in the eye? Besides Bearclaw and Joyleaf, I was the only one who really cared for him. And he just his cool exterior, never showing that he even cared, _if_ he ever cared. I was insignificant to him.

I began to tan the skins from the animals that my tribe had killed. It smelled a bit, but I had gotten used to the smell. I remember when I stood close to Strongbow. He smelled so good. Old leather, a hint of sweat, and the smell of trees. Even though I know that Strongbow hates being pestered, I pestered him a little bit about that he had to get new robes. He would just grunt and turn away.

*Strongbow, where are you going?* I sent to him. He didn't even glance my way, or replied at all to that. I know that he hates talking. And I have never heard him say a word. I have sometimes heard him saying some noises, like sighing, grunting and gasping when he was exhausted, or if he got surprised, which he never did, of course. He was just so fascinating. Never saying a word, and never abandoning friends. It's weird how I've started noticing things about him. I have always been neutral around him. He just seemed to be angry with me, or even hate me sometimes. Lately it's just been worse, and the feelings I would get when he looked angrily at me, was so hurtful and heart-wrenching. He never sent to me, and me only. He only sent to me when it was a commune sending to the tribe.

I looked dreamily down at my hands. I had plan to tan all day, and sew a bit perhaps. But now he was in my head. All the time actually since yesterday. I felt reckless _and_ restless. I got up, not exactly knowing where to go to, but only knowing that I wanted to see him. Well, not just to _see_ him, but also to feel him under my skin, smell the weird scents rolling of his body in waves, hearing his words in my head. I sat up, and began to wander mindlessly around. Something drew me to the forest where Strongbow had went in. Or more like something drew me to Strongbow.

I walked for a while, trying to eye him. I saw him, and couldn't help but smiling. It felt like there was a surge of warmth that went through me. I wanted to go over to him and embrace him, but I knew that he wouldn't be fond of that. So I stalked soundlessly over to him. In the dim sunlight I saw his muscles flex. He had heard me, and turned around with his bow ready to shoot. I looked at his bow, afraid. Something inside me moved, searching to be closer to him, more than just bodies.

I gazed up at him. And gasped.

*_Wyl!*_

_Strongbow._

Couldn't she just leave me alone? Why did she have to pester me all the time. And the last couple of days, it seems to have gotten worse. But I hypocritically have also pestered her. Or more like stalk her. Even though my contempt for her was strong, because she was so young, so naïve, I didn't want to have anything much to do with her. But that changed all of a sudden. When I quickly stalked out in the deeper part of the forest, where it feels like the trees are moaning, breathing, and the wind whispering at the crown of them. And I was so afraid of the need to stalk her. What did it all mean? When I say stalk, it's more like what happened yesterday.

_I can't sleep. I lie in my part of the father tree, staring out of the hole to my chamber, if you could call it that. The light outside had a weird colour. It reminded me of Moonshade's eyes. Moonshade. I stood up and climbed out of my chamber. And Climbing into hers. In her chamber, there were a lot of furs, so it was hard to precise where she was. I found her, because she was moaning and whimpering in sleep. I dared myself to touch her creamy, silk skin. It made me shutter at the touch. She stirred in her sleep. I looked around, afraid if there should be anyone from the tribe watching me. But there was none. All were asleep. I undressed, until I was naked. Then I slid under her covers, carefull not to touch her, so that she might wake up. But I couldn't hold me to myself. Desire was burning in my body, but I didn't want to get up. Or more like I couldn't. I couldn't bring myself to do it. _

_I touched her. Touched her back, caressing it, appreciating the smoothness of it. My hands went careful over her curves, which felt much more mature than she looked like usually. My hands caressed and tightened in her hair. So soft like feeling the river softly pass through your fingers. She stirred even more. I moved away, afraid to be caught in this act. She moaned. And then she moaned again. She moaned my name. I flinched and got up. I grabbed my clothes, careful not to leave traces from my visit. I staggered out of her room, my breath caught in my throat. Tears threatening to come forth. I went in to my chamber and hid under my covers, until I was so exhausted that I slept._

I looked for animals. It wasn't like we needed meat. But I _needed_ to get had tried to get eye contact with me, but I didn't even bother glancing at her. I saw a deer, but it was cubs, so I didn't want to shoot it. I passed other animals, too. But I didn't wan to kill them. Everything in my head was spinning. I closed my eyes, trying hard to block the images from the last night. Then I heard something making noises behind me. I tensed ready to kill if it were a human, who was trying to kill me. I had to be fast.

I spun around, and saw Moonshade. I looked at her, taking in her body. Wanting to be close to her, if not closer. She had long brown boots on, that made her legs look long. And where they ended, I could see her smooth, silky skin that I had touched. I gazed at her skirt, that was so short, that you could easily push it up and… I distracted myself from the dreamy images in my head by looking at her flat stomach, the curves of her hips, and then to her chest, which was caught in a shirt that was so small, that it made her breasts look huge, but not too huge. They weren't big, but they weren't small either. They were a good hand-size. I looked at her throat, how her pulses were pumping blood fast, and then on to her chin, which were square, but very feminine. Her hair seemed to be dancing in the wind, waving and curling. But then I met her eyes.

She gasped, and I felt like I was suffocating, being drowned by them.

*_Wyl!*_ she sent to me. It pierced me. She was connected to me. A part of me. A part of my soul. I felt an urge. One, which I rarely encounter on. Lust. The desire to mate. To just forget about everything around me, and make her be mine. Bow under to all carnal desires. But I won't. I won't make love, even though in this state, to a girl, who's really nothing worth, besides being pretty, and making all the tribes clothing.

And it was _mine_! My _soul_! I don't want to share it with someone like _her_.

She reached her hand out, as begging me to end this already suffocating lust. To make us unreachable for this world. Unattainable.

I felt the urge luring me to take her. But I didn't want to.

And then it happened.

I fled.

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_**Please review, it will get the chapters coming quicker! (Hey, what can I say? I'm a review-whore!) -Marianne.**_


	2. The Blow

**_Disclaimer: I don't own Elfquest, just this plot. _**

_**Annotiations: So, this chap took me a long time, and that sucks. But here it is. Enjoy! Playlist: Flashback Car ~ Christopher Libertino (Speek movie), Fact Fiction ~ Mads Langer, House of Cards ~ Audiomachine, Air ~ Empty House. **_

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Moonshade.

I was ready, oh yes I was _so _ready. It was all that I had wanted. A cub. Strongbow and I were supposed to have a cub. But he… ran away. Abandoned me. Left me, for some unknown reason. I had begun to breathe heavily. It happens every time I think about this, that my train of thought just comes to a stop. It's unfathomable to me, the thought of him leaving me. My legs began to wobble as I kept thinking about it. The way that he moved towards me, but then slipped passed me, every motion seeming so _slow_ in my head as I thought about it.

I didn't fathom his expression. Mostly because my insides sent jolts of happiness inside of me. My breathing were staggering. But as he walked past me, I felt the happiness shatter and fall to the ground.

My legs gave in, and I fell to the ground, hearing the soft grass moan as my knees landed on it. I wrapped my arms around my knees, and laid myself in the grass, not caring whether humans could find me or not. This was our domain, but they could still trespass the invisible barrier. Normally, humans would have frightened me so much, but right now, I just didn't care. I was hurt, and I didn't want to move. I was afraid of what I might do if I got up. My body was very tensed, and I felt reckless and irresponsible. I really couldn't care less.

If I moved, I knew I would go on a search to find _him_. Strongbow. No. _Wyl_. His true name. His _soul _name. And I can't help but to shudder, feeling the dew from the grass on my clothing seeping through to my skin, making it cold… He's a part of me now. A part that I can never get rid of neither erase. If one of us died, we would still be together. And it hurts. The pain inside, scorching and scrunching. And no matter what, I can't get rid of it.

I could call out to him through a sending. But he wouldn't want that, I know. It would just hurt him more. I can feel how he feels. Feel that he's running, his pace swift. The need to get away from the abrupt situation. Because our souls is linked together in a way that I could possible never imagine, I can feel _just_ the way he feels. And then, as I lay there, something consumed me. And I drifted into sleep.

_Strongbow. _

I can feel that she feels me. It's like she in my head. And I can't take it. She shouldn't be there. She's so close, it's making me insane. It's like I can't keep a thought to myself, because she knows it. My soul name. She has control of me. There's no way that I can win this fight. But I have to go on. I know I have to. I'm not sure what to do. I can't live on my own. Sometimes I wish to do so. But I somehow _enjoy_ to have contact with other people. Even though that they are annoying. Especially _her._ I can't fathom that of all elves, _she_ has to be the one that I have to get a cub with. No, not just a cub. Much deeper than that. I have to share my soul with her. And I already do.

I won't say that I regret running away from her, even though my body and something deeper is aching to be with her. I fear Bearclaw's wrath. But I just don't _want_ to be with her.

I were so deep in my thought, wandering around, when I realized that I was getting near the humans border. I turned around and left swiftly, careful not to make a lot of noise. I got back to the holt, and didn't know what to expect. Did they know? Were they mad? Confused, surprised, happy, jealous? What? Did they even care? I hope that they wouldn't care.

When I got there, nobody approached me, and I couldn't see a single person. Where were they? Why weren't there a single soul in the holt?

_Moonshade._

I lay there for I don't know how long. It had begun to rain. But I didn't care. I was numb to the core. I imagined the raindrops being caresses from _him._ But it just wasn't the same. I needed _him_. Anything else just wouldn't work for me.

My hands clutched at the grass, ripping it from the ground and inside my head I could hear the screams from the living life of the grass. But I didn't care, because I was too wallowed up in my own pain. I knew that he had resisted me, but besides that this involved his soul, it shouldn't be too bad for him. I mean, I'm not very attractive, but I'm not ugly. Am I? Is that perhaps why he didn't want to answer the call from his body? Because I'm ugly? Is that inside or outside?

I didn't want to close my eyes. Why should I? I didn't want to sleep. I didn't want to eat. I just wanted… _him_. And it was impossible to think of something else. My heart was swelling and somehow also sore at the same time. I felt the chill of the wind caressing my skin. It caused goose-bumps on my skin. I shivered when I heard a branch crunch under someone's foot.

_Strongbow._

When I got to the holt it was empty. I felt like turning around, not even wanting to find them, but just to get away. Everywhere I saw her. Leaning at the Father Tree. Tanning some of the skins. Play at the small creek, that bended around our territory, her clothes getting wet. When she used to play, she didn't care about her clothes getting wet. I wouldn't say that I missed her. Because I don't. I really don't miss her!

But still I had an empty feeling inside. Why did she have to screw my feelings around. It was her fault. It was all her fault! If she hadn't come to do what ever she wanted to, we probably would never have recognized. I hadn't realized that I had shouted out loud. And suddenly before I knew it, a fist punched me in the face. And then another blow at my jaw coming from the left. And then A kick in my stomach.

*Now, what the High Ones do you think you're doing?*

I tried to look up from my swollen eyelids and made out the features of Bearclaw. I tried to answer. The only problem was, I didn't know what to answer. I was speechless. I backed away from him, his figure still looking tensed. It was first then, that I realized what it was, that I had done.

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**_Please review! -Marianne. _**


	3. Why

_**Disclaimer: I don't own Elfquest or any of the characters. Just the plot.**_

_**Annotiation: So, right now I'm on vacation, so I'm planning on writing, but perhaps not on specifically this fic. But we'll see.**_

_**Playlist: Why ~ Secondhand Serenade, House of Cards ~ Audiomachine and Moonlight Sonata ~ Beethoven.**_

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Moonshade.

They had found me. I don't know how. Perhaps it was my feelings they got the hint of. I don't really know. Can an elf sense another elf's feelings, if they're strong enough? I don't really know. I don't really _care. _To me, it's not that important. Because right now I have a bleeding heart. And I don't know what to do with that feeling. I mean, he _left _me. He doesn't care about me. Or even himself. Because if he even cared about himself, he would have given to that bidding that our souls claim. He didn't want to. But why? Why didn't he want to? It's not like I'm ugly, right?

I heard someone yell, and could hear that someone approached me. But I didn't want to look who it was. I really couldn't care less. Then there were a soft mumbling. Someone said my name, but I didn't register. I didn't want to register. I didn't want to wake up from my sleep. My conscious sleep. Someone was very keen on "waking me up".

I thought I had forgotten to speak. But apparently, I hadn't.

"Just… leave me". I heard my own wheezing voice, but I didn't feel like it was me who spoke them. It wasn't me. Because I were someplace else. Far away form here, in another place, in another time. With him. Someone touched my shoulder lightly, the hand warm against my skin. My body withered beneath the touch. My eyes began to prickle and warms streams ran down my cheeks and onto my earlobes.

The one who had touch my shoulder picked me up from the ground, my stomach churning. And then it was like someone hit me in the face. I snapped out of my own world, and touched the cheek where there were supposed to be hand. But the person - I didn't care enough to see who it was - weren't the one who had hit me. And then it didn't matter to me. I sank into my own little bobble of carelessness, my thought drifting away from my body.

_Strongbow._

"What have I _done_?" I cried out. My hands covering my face. I was afraid now. Afraid of the consequences that I have made. This brought in the hole tribe. Everybody have something to say about it. And I know, that I have disappointed them. Hurt them.

But they probably wouldn't understand. I think that they think, that when two souls meet, they go into a higher unit. Become one, and all that troll dung. But they didn't realize how vulnerable they were. How fragile they were. That someone could take complete control over you, and you could nothing to resist their bidding. But I won't. I know that I am stronger than her. Stronger. I will not be weak. I will not bow under.

But when I look at Beaclaw's face, I know that I have disappointed him. He's like a brother, if not a father, to me. But rather being mad and hitting me, than treat me silent and distant. Like he didn't know me. I _have seen Bearclaw do that before, and I'll admit that it's a bit terrifying when he does that. _

"_Why?" he asked me. Apparently, he asked about something specific. But _I didn't know what, so I just shook my head. By the way he looked upon me, I knew he anticipated an answer. His eyes were small, his jaw tightened, his muscles flexing.

"Well what do you want me to say?" I asked him in a low voice. "I don't _like her._ By the way she is, I can't see that her soul should be with mine. I mean, she doesn't even look nice. I would rather go recognize a troll, if they even got a soul. Not to forget that I don't any soul mingled with mine." Bearclaw looked at me, a little confused but none the less still mad.

"It's mine", I said even lower. "_Mine._" I couldn't help but empathise the word. He had to understand that this was my soul. It was the one thing of all that mattered to me most in the world.

He looked stern at me, and then turned around on his heel, walking away from me.

"You have to speak to her." I was about to object to that when he said: "It's a command."

I felt my knees wobble before I landed flat on my arse. I had to speak to her, eh? But even if I tried, I don't know what to say. _I'm sorry I was being such a human, oh dearest, oh love"_, I thought sarcastic, "_but I really want you now. Please take me back, Eyrn._

Ops. This wasn't so great. It slipped. How should I know?

_Moonshade. _

I were drifting in a place unknown. Probably at a corner of my mind. Drifting, floating, flying, but I didn't go anywhere. I was still in this someone's arms. My mind felt numb, and my body was the only thing I wanted to concentrate on. Feeling the warmth of another being, my heartbeat. Because if I didn't focus on these things, I would only notice my screaming mind. Then, in one of the corners of my mind, there was a mumbling. Like loads and loads of water falling down. And the sound wasn't comforting. It was disturbing and annoying.

_*I'm sorry I was being such a human, oh dearest, oh love, but I really want you now. Please take me back, Eyrn.*_

I broke suddenly down in sobs. Why did he have to hurt me like this. Not only had he been sarcastic, but he had used my soul name. He made fun of me. Fun of my soul. Fun of my love.

I blinked. I wasn't _in love_ with Strongbow. I was just highly _infatuated_. Nothing more. I swear.

But still…

When I look at him, and it's hard to breathe, but every time I do, I smile. And I know that if touched me, I would shiver inside. Only wishing that he would do it some more.

Something in my mind told me that I should look around. We were approaching the holt. I could feel his presence. And I could feel that he could me. He wanted to run away. But… he didn't. Then I was brought in sight, and somebody put me down. I gazed at a little younger than me, but beautiful elf. Cutter was growing more beautiful per winter.

Bearclaw stood before me, his arms crossed.

*Go to my chamber now.*

Bearclaw's voice was harsh, but his eyes gentle. Okay, so he weren't mad at me. Strongbow, head bowed followed suit. We climbed up the Father Tree. It was good to feel the rawness of the bark. It felt a little harder than usual climbing the Father Tree. Perhaps I could feel his presence close to me. Something grabbed my foot, and jolts of lightning were sent to my stomach. Strongbow had grabbed me at my angle, presuming it was a branch. My eyes flew right into his where our souls met. He looked away, and at the denial I was hurt. He had denied me. _Again._

We climbed up to Joyleaf and Bearclaw's chamber.

*Now, I want to know what the _pucker nuts _is up with you guys?*

Silence. Followed by more silence. Bearclaw was waiting, and inside my stomach a pit of anger was swelling. Exploding. I felt nauseous, but now I was going to say it.

I wouldn't ask why he didn't want me or something like that. I opened my mouth and let the words come out along with the tears.

"Why do you _do_ this to me?"

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_**If you loved this chappie, write a review :D ~ Marianne.**_


	4. Sorry

_**Disclaimer: I don't own EQ, WaRP does.**_

_**Annotiations: This is dedicated to Joydream and QueenTakhsis, because of your reviews ;D And I'm back from my "real" vacation. So, let's see how much I'll write. But, well, you know, reviews makes the chapters come quicker! :D**_

_**Playlist: No playlist this time. D:**_

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Strongbow.

I was speechless and tongue-tied. I couldn't even answer her question, now could I? A wave guilt flushed through me. How should I respond? I can't explain why I do this to her, now can I? Oh, yes I can. Just say it.

*Why I do this to you…?* The tears kept streaming down her face. I cocked an eyebrow, staring in her eyes, even though I feel my soul cringe. *Because I bloody won't share _anything_ with you.* She stopped crying, her face blank. *If you would just have left me alone, none of this would have happened!* I yell at her in my mind, scolding her like she is a toddler. I could feel that she wanted to break into tears again, but on the outside she held her masque. She didn't say anything. Nor did she send anything to me. I felt like she hadn't quite got the message, and I am still frustrated, so I keep on scolding her.

*What would I do with a silly girl like you? You don't have any skills nor physical traits that I would desire. You're plain. Nothing. Why should you matter to me?*

Her comeback was greater than I could even think possible for this girl.

*Maybe I don't mean a thing to you in this life, but apparently I meant the world in some other life, else we wouldn't have recognized. And why would I recognize a person on purpose who has the foulest mood I've ever known? I would rather recognize a troll!*

I wouldn't let her get away like that. Not after insulting me in such way.

*Then why don't you just go right now?*

*Because…*, her sending is warm now, tender, *it's _you_ I want. And I can't help myself. I know*, she stared deeply into my eyes, but I broke the gaze between us, looking down. Her soft tender hand, were at my arm. *I know, that you also want me. Or at least I know that you _need_ me, because _I_ need _you_.* If I was weak and Bearclaw didn't sit beside us, I swear by the high ones that I would've taken her right there. Devoured her to shards to get my soul back. It was like she stood with it in her hands, mighty and powerful, and I weak. All I had to do to get it back, or at least just a part of it, was to become one with her physically. But I'm not weak. I won't devour her. I will keep all to myself. I don't need her. And that's what I'll tell her right now.

* I don't need you.* I brush her hand away from me, standing straight.

*And I can't see why anyone else would.* Her lips open slightly, her eyes wet. I walk out of the Bearclaw and Joyleaf's chamber. Leaving a dumbfound and recognition-struck Moonshade.

_Bearclaw._

The angry young elf stalked out of my chamber. Normally I would shout at him, commanding him to come back and figure things out or I'll punch him in the face. And even though I am upset, a part of Joyleaf's peace sooth me. One of the traits that I have come to love from our recognition. Still, I'm angry. But that brad is just too determined. This is going to take another kind of persuasion. Well, not persuasion. Tricking. I smirk as I climb down the Father Tree. A group of young wolf riders look in awe at me, while another part is staring at the direction Strongbow presumably left. I could feel her before I even saw her. Like a peace of my soul was getting close to me. And that a piece of her soul got closer to her. She sighed.

"I can't understand Strongbow." I take her in my arms, letting my hand smooth her curly hair. It shines richly in the sunlight making Joyleaf look even more beautiful. "I mean, I have never seen anything like this. Never have I heard of an elf rejecting the most bidding thing in our world. Poor Strongbow, poor Moonshade. They must be so frustrated by not indulging into their desires." She was looking at the same direction the other group was looking at. But now the group was splitting, going back to do what ever they did before of their work. Then she whips her head around to look at me, expecting some kind of response. She cocks an eyebrow, and then I realise that I'm still smirking.

"Oh, High Ones, what do you have of plans now?" she sighs exasperated.

"Oh nothing, dearest, nothing. I promise!" I lift her up in my arms, making her squeal.

"Now, would you please go up and comfort Moonshade while I talk with someone?" She nods to me. Before she climbs up in the Father Tree, I whisper if she perhaps could get Moonshade of our chamber, so she and I could play wolves in heat. I slap her arse, and she looks back at me with one of those looks telling me that she'll get me later for that. I watch her go, the swinging of her hips, her round arse, her creamy, strong thighs. I can only say that I'm glad I recognised such a beautiful elf. I shrug, and then go on a quest to find my son.

_Cutter._

"Look, Cutter, there's another one!"

"Huh?" I look lazily up at a tree where there's squirrels playing. It didn't exactly _captivate_ my interest. But Skywise seems to be very interested. I roll onto my back, sighing. I pick another dream berry out of the bag we stole from Pike. He eats too many, anyway! I feel relaxed but also restless. The reason I feel restless is because there's nothing to do. I am so bored. I can't help but to consider the possibility of irritate a troll. At least that would be some fun. I don't want to hunt. I don't want to bath. I don't really care about eating. Oh High Ones, save me from my boredom.

"Cutter, are you up there?" I could hear my own father sneer, irritation starting to built in his throat. Better get down there before the old wolf gets really pissed. Skywise cocks an eyebrow in question, but I don't say anything, I just rush down to my father. He looks at me, eyeing me. Measuring me like I was one of the troll's swords. He then nods, probably most to himself.

"Follow me." Father never utters many words to me. Mostly he makes sounds, except for when he's angry, then he yells. I can't quite describe his mood today. Seems like a lot is going through his head. That's only understandable with the whole Moonshade/Strongbow thing. As the wolf riders leader he's the one to figure out such difficult troubles.

We went a little further into the forest. He bid me sit down in the grass. So I did. He sat down, too. Which I find strange. I would have expected him pacing back and fourth, as he seemed distressed. He took out New Moon and sat and fidgeted with it. Cutter waited patiently.

"So… what do you think about Moonshade, lad?"

_Moonshade._

I had tried to stay calm. But I simply couldn't after Bearclaw had left and I was alone with my thoughts. I started crying. And I couldn't stop. I just simply cried and cried. Then Joyleaf came up to me. I hadn't even heard her. She took me in her arms and I hugged her very tightly. I even kept crying when I lay in her lap. Then she shifted her weight and came to a stand. She dragged me over to her and Bearclaw's skins. She wrapped her arms around me, not even hushing me or really saying anything to me. She kept holding me, and hold me even tighter when I got an attack. I don't know where it came from, but I just started crying again. It is like it's coming in waves.

At last, when I had cried all my tears, I can feel that he's sad. Even though after everything he have said to me, he's sad. He's… sorry.

_Strongbow._

There was a small group of elves when I got down from the Father Tree. I walked right by them, not making eye contact with anyone. I kept walking and walking. I tried to walk so far away from her, that I couldn't feel her. But then it hit me. And I couldn't move. I bowed down to the ground in spasms. She made me feel this way. But only because I had hurt her. I kept debating with myself whether or not that these cramps were my own fault. And after there had been waves of cramps, I felt sorry. But I can't go back and say it. It's just not good enough. And besides, I would only do it to stop the cramps, right?

It's not like I actually care about her pain…

Right?

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_**Review, please! - Marianne.**_


	5. Alone

_**Annotiations: I know it's been a while, but I've been cut off the internet. This chapter is perhaps the second last, so enjoy!**

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Cutter.

I shrug. "Moonshade?"

"Yeah, lad. I mean, she's beautiful and all." I scratched the back of my head, thinking of Moonshade. She's not that pretty, quite normal actually.

"I don't know, dad." His brows almost become one in frustration.

"Listen, boy, Moonshade's going through some stuff and needs a person on her own age to make her happy."

"But… she's _old!_"

"And that matters to you?"

"Well…", my voice trails, "no. But I can't see why I have to be that person."

"Son… this is an order. Make her happy. Especially when Strongbow's around." I cock an eyebrow.

"But why especially when…" He cuts me of quickly, snarling: "No questions."

I nod. This is an order, not only from the tribe leader, but also as my father. High Ones, what's going on?

_Strongbow. _

It had been three days since I had walked out on Moonshade. I had lived in the forest, climbing the trees and staying away from humans. But there was a human that I stumbled upon. A female. She was down by the creek, washing herself. Her hair was blonde, and she wasn't very pretty, not even for a human. But her body… Her body was mesmerising. I caught myself looking at it, the human, feeling blood being pumped in my loins and my sex. I retrieved silently away and found a quiet place. I started touching myself, fantasising. Not about the human, but about Moonshade. I felt ashamed of what I was about to do, but I couldn't help myself. I started fondling my growing erection. Stroking quicker and quicker. I thought of Moonshade. How her skirt slides up her thighs when she sits down. Her smile. Her deep eyes. The eyes that captured my soul. When I was about to cum in the moment of short ecstasy, I made a mistake.

_*Eyrn!*_

As I came, waves of horror washed in over me. There were two things that made me horrified. One, I had send to her. Two, I wasn't satisfied at all, far from.

_Moonshade._

He called out for me! I could hear him loud and clearly, but I didn't understand his sending. Why was it so happy, so excited?

Cutter looked at me.

"Yeah, I could feel that, too." He shivered in the cold and I pulled one of the skins higher up his shoulder. We hadn't done anything. I allowed him in my presence because I needed to talk to someone. He seemed like he wanted to play wolves in heat. And even though my body was aching for the feeling, for the filling… I couldn't. I wanted _him. Wyl. _If I couldn't have him, I wanted to be alone.

"Cutter, if you don't mind", I muttered shyly, "I would like to sleep alone tonight."

He nodded, kissed me on my lips and went out. Then I started to cry. I didn't mind that Cutter was kissing me, but it was the warmth from Strongbows' lips that I wanted to feel. I can't help but think that I'll die without him. Either by time or by this bereavement. I went to sleep.

_Strongbow._

I sneaked into the den like a thief. Trying to be as stealthy as possible. I sneaked up to Moonshade. I almost ripped off the skin cover. Her body lay splayed naked in front of me. I lay down beside her. Letting my fingers touch her feather light, so that she wouldn't wake up. In reality I just wanted to grab her and make her mine. But I didn't want to share my soul. I touched her lips with the edge of my fingertips. My breathing was heavy and ragged, as I leaned closer to her face kissing her. Her eyelids disappeared and I gazed into her eyes, and deeper into my soul. Her face was so frightened that our feelings became mutual for a moment.

"_Wyl_", she said hoarsely and reached out for me. Before I knew it, my fist hit her cheek. I shrugged, and as _Eyrn - _no, Moonshade - sobbed, I got up and left. Right when I was about to climb down the Father Tree, someone grabbed my shoulder. I turned and starred into the eyes of my leader-to-be.

"What the puckernuts do you think you're doing, Strongbow?"

_Bearclaw._

I lay in our chamber, playing with her hair. Joyleaf was the love of my life. Even though we weren't agreeing in a single thing, being as different as we are, we loved each other. Suddenly a shadow was cast into our chamber. I looked up and saw Strongbow climb into the chamber of Moonshade. I smirked. This could be fun. I woke up Cutter, telling him that he should pick up a fight with Strongbow. He didn't look too happy about it, but followed orders. Strongbow soon climbed down the Father Tree.

I could hear my son's voice, even though there was a distance between me and them.

"What the puckernuts do you think you're doing, Strongbow?"

"What does it matter to you, lad?"

Oh, boy. Strongbow surely was going to be stubborn about this. I caressed Joyleafs' cheek before I motioned for Moonshade's chamber. She was sobbing.

*Moonshade, if you want to be with Strongbow, you have to do what I say in every detail, all right?* She nodded. I couldn't help but smirk. The time was ripe.

_Strongbow._

Cutter and I were arguing. Behind him I saw a person climb down the Father Tree.

*You know you aren't going to be as great a leader as Bearclaw, and you'll fail in your attempt.*

"You don't even know what love is." He reached behind him and pulled Moonshade into his embrace. Something inside of me was boiling, hot and acidly, as I couldn't help but gaze at his hand lingering at her hip or the way that she is nestling her head at the hollow of his neck, her arms wrapped around him, shielding herself. What is this feeling inside of me?

"If you did know what love is, you wouldn't act so cruel towards me or anyone else. To be happy, all you need is love."

*I don't need love.* I turn on my heel leaving them. They can have each other, why should I care? I've always been on my own, so why should things be different now? I stalked deeper into the woods, almost fleeting from the holt. All the warm and fuzzy feelings, I didn't need them. Of course I didn't. Well, I do want to play wolves in heat, but I didn't want to have Eyrn - I mean anyone, to lay in my arms. Newly made images of the way she had laid her head against him hurt, more than I would've thought could be possible. I stopped at the cave, that I had used as home for the last few days. As I had walked, the weather had changed. Big drops of water were falling down. I shrugged. I got in and hid under the fur covers, curling into a ball. I felt so alone. I didn't hate Moonshade. I just didn't want to share my soul with her. Or with anyone. My eyes got wet. It was understandable that she had moved on, the way I had treated her. I close my eyes in remembrance.

_*I'm sorry I was being such a human, oh dearest, oh love, but I really want you now. Please take me back, Eyrn.*_

_*What would I do with a silly girl like you? You don't have any skills nor physical traits that I would desire. You're plain. Nothing. Why should you matter to me?*_

_* I don't need you. And I can't see why anyone else would.* _

All the hurtful words… Why had I been like that? All her caresses that I had shied away, ignoring her existence, her love. Why? So that I could keep my soul all to myself? But right now I felt more lonely than ever. So desperately that the loneliness was almost clutching at my leather clothes. How wrong could I have been?

I sat up suddenly, removing the sheets. Like a wolf hearing a sound that elves can't. It was like that, but more like _presence_, than a sound. I went outside in the rain. I didn't know how to feel at what I saw. She was here. Inside of me was this inner happiness that came just because she was here in my most lonely hour. But she wasn't mine. She was Cutters. But if she were his, then what is she doing here? I walked towards her. She spoke first.

"I could… feel you." She is here, she really is. I stand so close to her, that I can feel her warmth rolling of her body. But she must be cold, because she shivered like a leaf in the wind. Everything around her disappeared when I looked at her.

*Tell me… tell me that you're not his.* She frowns. *Say that you're mine… And even if you're with him… lie to me.* Water drops fell heavily on us.

*I need you*, I confessed to her. Not a word was spoken after. What did she think? Was it too late for me to reach out for her? Did she hate me?

She steps closer to me, closing the gap between us. She looks into my eyes, her face having an uncertain look, and somehow it hurts _inside_ of me. I can feel my soul mingling with hers. Reaching, searching. She caresses my left cheek, and I nestle into it while closing my eyes, letting a tear slip. The look on her face… it told me everything.

Then I could feel it, so scarcely, that I didn't think that it had happened. She had kissed me. I opened, shocked into the core, my eyes seeing her looking at me with that tender look, that only she could make.

_*Eyrn…*_

_*Wyl…*_

**Please review! ~ Marianne. **


	6. More Than Ever

_**Last chapter. Please review! - Marianne.**_

* * *

_Moonshade._

*Tell me… tell me that you're not his.* What? Who's? What did he mean? I frown.

*Say that you're mine… And even if you're with him… lie to me.* Didn't he understand? I've always been his. I wasn't with Cutter, if that's what he thought. How could I lie to him, when it's not like that at all? I love _Wyl._

*I need you.* It didn't surprise, because I need him too, but did he _want_ me? I shouldn't question him, because I can feel it just by looking into his eyes, our souls touching. Feel him. He wants me. He needs me. All his loneliness… I can feel that it's too much to bear for him. So much pain in just _one_ person… containing it must be devastating. I step closer to him and touch his cheek, trying to comfort him, telling him that I'm _here. _That if I can, I will take the pain away. He nestles into my hand, closing his eyes, brows furrowed. His inner pain showing in his every feature. A tear slips down his cheek, mingling with the rain drops. I don't know what to say to him, my head is totally blank. I don't think he would mind just a little kiss, or would it kill the moment? It doesn't matter.

I bend over and kiss him, lightly, carefully.

He opens his eyes wide, afraid, not understanding what, or why, I had just acted like I have. I look at him, feeling the need for him once again.

*Eyrn…* he sends to me.

*Wyl…* I send back.

The way he had send to me, so tender, so warm. He looks at my arm, caressing it, then sneaks his arm around my waist, holding me close to him, while I slid my fingers up his arm muscles. He lets his left fingers trail the edge of the bruise he had given me this very evening. Then, for the first time ever, I hear him speak.

"I… I'm sorry", his voice is rusty after almost never using it. Apparently not just for the bruise. He leans in and hugs me, and I hug him back. The rain's drenching me, but I don't care.

I startle as Strongbow begins to kiss me neck. I give him easier access, by rolling my neck a little away. His arms swirl strongly around me and lifts me up. I wrap my legs around his waist. I kiss him, finally really feeling his lips' warmth against mine. My hands tighten in his hair. He carries me into the cave where his been living. He pushes me down into his furs, kissing me. His lips wander over my skin. His hands traces up my legs, thighs, behind, sides, breasts, neck. When he reaches my neck, I crank it backwards in blissful ecstasy. He stops and touches my bruise again. I look away. Something wet falls down on my face. Grey lines of tears are trailing all the way down to my hand. He lay his head down on my chest, crying. I stroke his hair, hushing him. He kisses me and then rises. He removes his clothes, throwing it all down in a heap. I look at him, all of him. Mostly looking at his sex.

"Are you sure?" I ask him. He nods. I start to remove my clothes, his eager hands helping between kisses. I shudder as he looks at me, his eyes taking me in. I've never felt more naked then now. He lays himself down beside me. He touches my breast, as I huff against his neck. His hand wander down the skin of my stomach, down to my sex. He nudges my legs apart. He rubs at the little nub, making me shudder involuntarily and spasm. He digs a finger into my warm sex, thrusting. Then another finger. My breath gets ragged as I clutch my hands in the fur. Suddenly a warm wave, almost an explosion, fills me. I cry out in ecstasy. He takes my hand, and moves down to his erection. I stroke it, and he almost whimpers. He rolls over me. I spread my legs, biting a finger in nervous anticipation. He inserts it, an push himself into me. I gasp and feel like screaming. He's over me immediately, checking if I'm okay.

"It's okay." I say, even though my sex feels swollen and sore. He draws out of me, and whimper. He thrust into me. In and out. In and out. He intertwine his fingers with me. When he's about to come, he wraps his arms around me.

*Eyrn!*

I feel something warm and wet ejaculate inside me. He huffs, rolls of me. I lay on his arm. He turns to me.

*Moonshade, are you alright?*

*Huh? Yeah, yeah, I'm fine.* Silence.

*I should leave*, I send. I sit up, looking for my clothes.

*Why?* His face is hurt. Why?

*Because…*, tears threatening to fall. *Because you don't need me anymore.* He pulls me down. He removes a curly hair strand from my face.

*I need you now more than ever. I need you to stay with me. Else I'll feel alone. I want to be life mate with you. And not just because we recognized.* He wraps his arms around me, letting me sob.

*But only if you want to, of course.*

*Yes*, I send to him.

_Strongbow._

We returned to the holt three days later after that night. We had made love all the time, exploring each other. Before I didn't even want her near me, but now I needed her all the time. We walked to the Father Tree, hand in hand. Cutter smiled to me. I didn't know how to react. It's still a bit weird between us I think.

Seasons went by. Moonshade had moved in with me in our own chamber. She became bigger and bigger and illuminated my life with her glow. On a crescent night, I had to send for the healer, Rain. Moonshade was screaming, huffing and afraid. The healer send me out. I didn't know what to of myself. I waited. And waited. The rest of the holt did the same in joyful anticipation. Talking about if it would be a girl or a boy. Who the toddler would look like. Suddenly there was a cry different from Moonshade's.

Eyrn… she's going to die. Rain came out, cleaning his hands from blood. I stare horrifically at the blood.

He smiles and tells me to go in there. I prepared myself for the look of my dead life mate and the dead baby, who would scarcely see this world before closing its eyes. I didn't even dare to send for her.

But there she was, nestling the little in her embrace.

She laughs when she looks at my startled face. "Come closer, Strongbow, and take a look on your new daughter."

I wrapped my arm around her, smelling her hair, thanking the High Ones that she's still alive.

*What shall we name her? She have already told me her soul name, Jalan.*

*Well, she was born under a crescent moon… so how about Crescent?* The baby whimpers. Moonshade smiles.

*Yes.*

THE END


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